Exercise - The FREE medicine

In honor of one of my best friends, Theresa Hornick, I'd like to post the article she recently submitted to Dr. Mackaray's Health and Wellness column for the Scranton-Times Tribune.  She is a Physical Therapy student in SoCal, Marine Corps vet, and overall wonderful woman :)

                                                Exercise: Free Medicine

            In November our nation celebrates two nostalgic days of remembrance; the birthday of the United States Marine Corps (November 10^th) and Veterans Day (November 11^th).  Both are designated to remind Americans of the selfless sacrifice that millions of courageous men and women gave of their ‘today’s’ so we could have our ‘tomorrows.’  They purchased our freedom at a great price - a freedom giving us the opportunity to attend any desired school or church, to speak and marry freely, to choose our own health care, and seemingly limitless other opportunities.  However, the alarming irony is that for a nation with so much, we have an epidemic of insufficient personal fitness and health care.  Unfortunately, the problem lies in the simple fact that people usually don’t value their health until they lose it.  This being so, my challenge to you is to look at how your own health status is impacting your quality of life.  For many of us, our sedentary lifestyle is the cause of this epidemic that affects every aspect of our life.  My bottom line advice - take full advantage of the free medicine called exercise and you will significantly improve your overall health and wellness.

            Since the mental, spiritual, emotional, physical, social, and intellectual aspects of our lives comprise our total health and wellness, it is imperative that we pay close attention to these areas.   Because of lengthy periods of health and wellness neglect, many people struggle with health risks and a myriad of other problems- problems that could have been avoided if simple health care principles were followed.  Exercise, then, is the remedy that will greatly enhance our life.

            Exercise comes with many misconceptions. Popular ones include: working out is never fun,   ‘quantity over quality,’ ‘no pain no gain,’  ‘lifting makes you bulky’, or thinking one must work out for 1-2 hours a day to make a difference.   To maintain a health fitness level, any misconceptions must be put aside and replaced with basic, common sense health advice. 

            Let us look at your heart!  The American Heart Association says that if an individual exercises 30 minutes, 5 days a week, or splits up exercise into 10-15 minute increments 2-3 times per day, he/she will significantly reduce the risk of heart disease (which has one of the highest death rates in the United States).¹

            Heart disease is caused by many risk factors. These factors include: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, diabetes, obesity, physical inactivity,  and stress (excessive anger and hostility) age,  gender (male are at higher risk until females reach menopause then risk is equal).² The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported that lack of adequate exercise is the most prevalent risk factor for coronary heart disease (CHD) and that more than 60 % of adult Americans do not perform the American Heart Association’s minimum amount of physical activity. ²

            It is important to understand that exercise has a ripple effect on all aspects of our lives. When you take care of the body God gave you, you learn though proper exercise that your body and mind are surprisingly resilient and able to handle tasks that you only dreamed (So you don’t need a drill instructor yelling at you every day to get up and run 5 miles or hit the gym). Rather, your own mental drive nurtured by a desire to be healthy will create an inner alarm clock to insure your body gets the free medicine it deserves. 

            Now resolve to make our nation’s remembrance days your personal days of pride as you start your free daily dose of exercise.  We have been given the freedom and opportunity to be pro-active in our own level of health and wellness. Make it happen!  Your dedication and your example will be the best witness to adding life to your years.  

10 Free Exercise Tips

Note:  If you have health complications and are starting a new exercise program or want to increase your activity, please consult your physician or physical therapist before starting.

1.      Walk up the stairs in your home a couple extra times a day.

2.      Park in the furthest parking spot when going to the mall.  Spend an extra 10 minutes walking parts of the mall to window shop. 

3.      When doing laundry pick up the detergent and use as a weight for arm curls or squats (appx 8-10 pounds depending on the size).  

4.      Play outside with your children or grandkids.

5.      Choose to walk around the home and clean or decorate instead of watching TV. 

6.      Find a park bench, picnic table, or study chair at home and sit down and get up as many times as you can.

7.      Use a bath towel to stretch after you shower.  (A good time to stretch is when you are warm).  

8.      If you enjoy athletics, competition, and supporting various charities, join your local Team in Training or look up on www.active.com for a race or event coming up in a sport you prefer.

9.      Multi-task while getting ready for work in the morning- stand on one foot while brushing your teeth or perform squats while blow drying your hair.

10.  While talking on the phone and not in the car, lunge in place.

 

Start your daily dose of exercise today! Make a plan, write it down and have FUN on the journey to reaching your goals.  

Written by:   Theresa E Hornick, SPT, and  Former Marine Corps Officer, Combat Veteran OIF III.

References:

¹http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/. Updated and Accessed October 11 2011.

²HIllegass E. Essentials of Cardiopulmonary Physical Therapy. 3^rd edition. St. Lious Missouri. Elsevier Saunders. 2011

Semper Sexism, part 2 - my response

11 Sept 2005 – excerpt from email to Mike

I just got done talking to the XO.  I went in there and was like “sir, I just wanted to touch base with you about the issue, whether big or small, about my professional relationship with Lt G.”  Long story short, the XO said his issue was with Patrick, not me.  That Patrick was essentially following me around like a puppy dog and hitting on me at work and people were noticing and that it was unprofessional.  He said I have been doing a great job so far and he has no issue with me, and if ever does he will not hesitate to tell me.  I told him I wanted to be taken seriously professionally and that the nature of the circumstances are that Patrick and I are the only Lt’s and that we are each other’s peer group, but that there was nothing unprofessional going on.   XO reiterated that he was on board with that, that I have been professional and am taken seriously, and his displeasure was with Pat’s behavior.  Anyway, I felt pretty good about myself that I took the initiative to go in there and talk to him because it really cleared things up.  I was taking it as though the issue was with me when, in fact, it was with Patrick.

So, I’m in a better mood now that I kind of got that off my chest.  Well, I wasn’t really mad, but I just felt like something more needed to be said and I feel like I ended up handling it well.  With that and with Patrick being gone, the command climate here is much better.  He is a negative influence on me.  It’s kind of like I’m guilty by association, ya know?  He handles himself very differently than I do, and I don’t want my rep suffering because I am “friends” with him.  It’s not like I’m going to be mean to him or start ignoring him, but I am distancing myself a bit. 

For as tired as I felt earlier this afternoon, I feel pretty good right now.  Although, I have a new nemesis: Otis Spunkmeyer’s peanut butter cookies.  They are evil. 

My legs are killing me. I took the day off which was a fantastic idea.  But I intend on running when I get off work at 0600 (and I’m sure I’m really going to feel like it after working 14 hours straight, right?)

So, our system if FINALLY up and working so we’ve got missions going on time tonight.  This makes things MUCH better.  However, we got nailed by IDF tonight and some of it was pretty close.

Oh, after all the talk of the food being bad last night, the chow hall went and totally redeemed itself!  We had fajitas tonight and they brought in fresh kiwis, bananas, and nectarines.  Soooo since so much of my life revolves around food, this also improved my mood today.  Haha.  I am a fatty.

Also related to the sexual harassment issue – an excerpt from an email to my Mom:   It is definitely tough at times to respect the institution in which I work.  There are a lot of moments where I’m so proud of it and the people who comprise it, but many other moments where I ask myself why I’m here simply because of the bad or sexist attitudes.  Then again, I’m afraid that those attitudes exist almost everywhere on some level, ya know?

Semper Sexism 8 September 2005

The first of many mild (depends on your perspective, I guess) cases of sexism I experienced while deployed.  Looking back, it wasn't a huge deal...except for the fact that professional reputation is HUGE in the Marine Corps, so any unwarranted infraction made against it is particularly upsetting.

8 Sept 05 – Thursday 0315Long day today/yesterday.  Walked in the morning, showered, worked 9-12, cleaned room, tried to nap, worked 6-3am.  Talked to Mike and Matt on DSN tonight.  Both very nice. Got an email early in day from Mike saying he wasn’t mad. 

Patrick got on my nerves today.  Sexist issue with XO tonight.  BS.  I’m being 100% professional and I don’t want Pat to ruin my rep.

Too tired. 

Email explaining “sexist issue” – Just a quick note b/c I am furious right now.  I had to deal with some blatant sexism at work tonight.  Our XO essentially lectured Patrick tonight, saying that every time he and I leave together, everyone in the squadron goes, “There goes the Lt and his girlfriend” and basically is banning me and Patrick from spending ANY time together from now on!!!  This is ridiculous for several reasons.  1. If I was a MAN, no one would even notice how much time we spend together.  2. We work in the same section.  It’s not like I’m some random girl who follows him around for no reason.  3.  They called HIM the Lt.  What, now I’M not a Lt? I’m just a “girl?!” 4. Patrick is my temporary “boss” and needs to train me, and now we’re getting separated as if we were breaking some rules! This is absurd.  Now, according to the XO, we have to work completely opposite schedules and are not to be seen going anywhere together – no working out, no meals, no back and forth to work, etc.  I’ve done nothing unprofessional and because the XO can’t squash this crap he’s punishing us because people like 12 year olds.  He obviously has to agree with them on some level if he said it the way he did to Patrick tonight.  I am pissed.  I wouldn’t have expected this from someone at this level; maybe form other Lt’s or the enlisted Marines, but not a Major or an XO.  This is the kind of crap that infuriates me.  I am quiet, courteous, and professional with everyone at work – including Patrick – yet I’m getting referred to as some random GIRL, instead of a WOMAN, or a MARINE, or a LIEUTENANT!  I just heard this, so I am a bit fired up right now.

*I got several responses, but Margie’s was one of my favorites: Soup. I wanted to comment on this.  The people making those comments are simply souper jealous…because you’re successful, smart, funny, and really really ridiculously good looking.  You deserve R-E-S-P-E-C-T darn it! That’s it…I’m coming over there to regulate.  Next flight I’m on it.  Marginator in da Iraqi house! “I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”

Write What You Know, Right? The Sociology of Marine Corps ROTC Midshipmen at the University of Virginia

GySgt Sweeney and brand new 2ndLt Sarah Plummer

Written in the spring of 2002 for my Sociology of the Military course, I dug up this little gem while trying to clean up some files. 

http://sasapluplu.hubpages.com/hub/The-Sociology-of-Marine-Corps-ROTC-Midshipmen

Before Groupons There Were "Groupers" 6Sept2005

One of many group style emails I wrote to friends and family while I was deployed.  This one describes a particularly unique event.  Read on to see...

6 September 2005, Tuesday 16:30
I know you all love it when I start off my emails with my work outs (“I don’t know if you heard me counting, but I just did over a thousand!”), but it’s how I start my day, so it just makes sense to me.  So, you ask, what was my workout like?  Well, I got up at 0530 and went for a 4.5 mile run, did some lunges, did some pull ups, did some abs, and then lifted.  Made the 5 minute walk to the showers, took a quick one, and got ready for work. 

Today I mixed things up and made myself my own little McGriddle – 2 pieces of bacon and part of a cheese omelet sandwiched between two min-waffles. After about an hour or two at work, Kate (Hendricks) called and told me she was just down the street at Lakeside.  So, I borrowed the SgtMaj’s truck and drove 10minutes down the road to pick her up.  Brought her back here and showed her my workspace and then we got to sit and chat for a while. 

Then we drove back to Lakeside and had lunch with her little brother, Matt.  The three of us were sitting there talking and Matt goes, “Who would’ve thought that the three of us would be sitting here in Iraq together?”  Each of us started somewhere completely different years ago (Matt at Nebraska, the moved to VMI; Kate in AF ROTC for almost two years at UVA then to Marine Corps ROTC; me in AF ROTC, then the Marines, then waiting for flight school, then Intel school straight to Iraq) yet ended up here together.  Matt just got in country and is on his way to Ramadi.  Kate jumped on a convoy last night just to make it here to see the two of us and will leave again tonight.  It was so great to see her.  Hopefully, I will be able to meet up with her for dinner, too, if I can convince the SgtMaj to give me his vehicle one more time.

 Anyway, as I was walking out of the chow hall and saying my goodbyes to Matt and Kate, I hear a “Hey, didn’t you just finish NAOBIC?”  I turn around and it’s a Captain friend I’d met in VA Beach who was MIOC when I was at AIOC.  I gave him a ride down the street and found out he’ll be requesting our support in the near future and now have a personal contact at his unit…can’t hurt. 

Made my way back to work through the sandstorm (which is still raging) and had a couple emails waiting for me from friends from TBS who are out here now, too.  I was pleasantly surprised to hear from them.  Our missions have been very interesting again today, so that keeps things lively here.  Also, I am in the middle of an investigation that I am actually having a decent time with so far.  In a way it’s fun to do the research on the issue then quasi-interrogate the people involved.   Hey, maybe I should go to law school! ;) Speaking of which, I’ve got some stuff to prepare for the Marines I’m questioning in about a half hour, so I need to go. 

I still haven’t received any packages, but no worries, they’ll be here soon I’m sure.  Gotta get back to work.  Take care everyone! J

Kate&I inside Lakeside chow hall

4-6 September 2005

4 September 2005 – Sunday, 22:30

I’m sitting in my room with Kevlar and flak on because of a “Code Red.”  I’m not sure if it is a drill or for real.  I’d gone to the phone center again tonight, left two messages for Mom and Dad and two for Mike then got through to Rachel.  I was only on the phone for five minutes with her before the Code Red alarms went off.

So, I came to work this morning and had a long, nice email from Mike waiting for me.  I wrote him a very long email back with only the last paragraph explaining I had been feeling hurt because I hadn’t heard much from him all week. I hope he receives my comments with understanding and love, and not anger or defensiveness.  It’s just that time really passes slowly out here and it had been days (since Monday his time) since I’d gotten more than the two-liner apology from him Wednesday/Thursday.  He has internet at his house…he couldn’t even type something up Friday after work?  Anyway, I pray that I’m saying/doing what I should and that Mike will be sympathetic and understanding.

I got another so-so night’s sleep, so was a bit tired today.  I went for a long, early morning walk with Patrick, showered, went to work, chow, and worked all day.  I learned even more today and feel pretty good about things.

Oh, it turns out the Code Red was real.  I’ll probably find out more about that at work tomorrow.

Anyway, it was a decent day today.  I’m thankful to be alive.  I’m tired and it’s time for bed now though.

this is my Code Red face

5 Sept 05 – 21:30, Monday

[Labor Day…not that I noticed.]  I had a restless sleep last night and got up for a so-so run this morning and some abs.  shower then to phone center and got to chat with Mom and Dad for about 20 minutes.  I got to work around 9.  I had another great e-mail from Mike waiting for me.  He told me even more about his week, work, what he was up to, etc and responded with understanding to my request for daily communication. 

Around noon we came to the Alamo to get mail (finally got our box of stuff) and then I dashed to the phone center to call Mike.  Got him at 10:30pm Sunday his time and in the middle of his wet-down.  He was drunk and funny. J  Then I called Matt and we chatted for about fifteen minutes – ordinary but nice.

Then back to work till 9pm but had a great day and learned A TON more.  Very exciting mission today tailing guys in ______. 

Overall, my spirits are up and I am feeling like myself again.

From my prayer journal: God, you are amazing! J  Thank you so much for raising my spirits, giving me guidance, and steering my relationships.  I pray that you make good, solid days like today the majority here while I am deployed.  When I feel like myself, work is good, time passes quickly, and things are good with Mike, I feel fantastic.  Please help me to maintain this demeanor.  You do so much for me daily, Lord, and I thank you with all of my heart.  On a serious note: please keep Kate safe on her travels tonight and/or tomorrow.  Also, I pray that Mike gets home safely from his party.  I love my family so much, God; please let them know that and that I miss them.  “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1Thessalonians 5:18

6 Sept 05 – Tuesday, 21:35

Today was a GOOD day.  I went for a good run/walk/lunge type run, did a set of pyramid pull ups 1-7, and abs, then a quick light lift.  We got to work at 9am and stayed till 9pm, but it went quickly for me.  I picked Kate (Hendricks) up at Lakeside around 10:30, brought her to the office, chatted a bit, then to chow with her little brother, back to work for awhile, then evening chow just me and Kate.  It was GREAT to see her and we got to chat lots. 

I got TWO nice emails from Mike today and was in very good spirits because of that, too.  Then at the very end of the day I got kind of a snotty email from him, though.

I really miss girlfriends.  Bummer.

No roommate anymore and VMU-2 is gone, so I hope to start sleeping better.

2&3 September 2005 - In Iraq, In Love (or something like it)

2 Sept 05, Friday, 1600
I went to bed depressed last night.  I became exhausted in the afternoon and sad after only getting one letter in snail mail (but it was from Margie, so that was good of course J ) and no email from Mike.  Home from work late, one hour to wait to get on a phone at the phone center, irritable convo with Mom L, and then 20 sec convo with Mike.  My heart sank when I got a casual, “What’s going on?” then me, “hello, it’s me” and another “ya, what’s up?” from Mike when I called.  He was on his way out the door to his promotion but still, jeez.  He did squeeze in an “I miss you, baby; I love you” but I was sad.  I sat on the roof and talked to Patrick awhile afterwards.

rooftop of the Alamo

No run this am, to work at 8 on little sleep and exhausted by 1300 again.  Patrick annoys me a bit at work L and I’m just drained tired.  Anyway, home at 1500.  I called Matt and we talked for 40 minutes.  Talked mostly about us.  Very mutual loving and missing L  I do miss him so much.  Hope to write more later but must sleep now.

2145 – the second half of the day was better even though I never got to nap b/c the power went out and commotion outside my door.  But I went for a run, did some pull ups, and talked to Patrick a bit. 

Tomorrow we officially take the mission from VMU-2 and I will apparently really being my “training.”  Let’s hope all goes well.

I miss my sweet Matt.  Feeling confused because I have such strong feelings for two very different men.  I don’t want to “play” either one of them, but I do love and miss them both.  My relationship with Mike just seems so unsure to me.  We’ve never really had a lot of quality time together and things seemed shakily “together” when I left, so it’s hard to feel super confident about our relationship…especially when he doesn’t offer a lot of reassurance/confirmation.  And it’s so easy to compare and contrast Matt and Mike.  Like today when I called Matt, it was 4am his time and he was just getting up for work.  Did he sound irritated or make excuses at all? No.  He brushed his teeth, shaved, etc all while talking to me.  And even though in some ways it was a sad/tough/emotional conversation, I felt good after I got off the phone with him.  So many times after talking to Mike, I feel worse. L  Anyway, I guess I don’t know what I really want.  A huge part of me desperately wants things to work with Mike, but I have a sinking feeling they won’t because his priorities are so different from mine.  Whereas, I think Matt and I being together again could be so easy.  He’s so easy to get along with, he’s so sweet, and there’s no question in my mind how much he loves me.  Yet, I often wonder if Mike and I have is mostly lust?  I dunno.  I love and miss them both L 

3 Sept 05 – Saturday, 2240
We took mission today and because of this things were quieter (thus better) at work.  I felt like I learned a lot, but still have a ways to go. My Marines are smart, motivated, and easy to work with; I can't complain in that department at all. What they do is awesome.  Lots of emailing today – mostly between Kate and I – because I STILL haven’t gotten an email from Mike since Sun/Mon other than his one liner “sorry” from two days ago.  I think it is becoming very clear that Mike is NOT going to be there for me the way he needs to be/should be.  It’s made me feel terrible for days and I can’t be worrying about this while I’m here.  Plus, it just hurts. L  I just don’t think he really loves me.  I c’mon, ONE email all week?!

I talked to Becci tonight finally.  She gave good advice and said to make it a “lets just be friends” thing at this point.  He’s obviously not willing or able to do basic relationship things with me right now.  She was very excited to hear from me, though, so that was cool. 

I didn’t PT today.  Time for bed.

From prayer journal: Lord, I need you to live in me and speak through me.  I love two very different men very much, God, and am not sure what it means or what to do about it.  Please give me answers during my time in Iraq and beyond.  Help me do the right thing.  Help me not to be so selfish.  Lord, dwell in me…dwell in me.  Let me foster, keep, and form relationships pleasing to You. 

Dear God, please keep after Mike’s soul. Keep after Scott and Kate and Peter, too.  Only You can change their hearts.  Lord, please hug my mom for me, and Rachel and Becci and Matt, too.  Help Matt H with his emotions; comfort him.  Let him know I truly do love him.  Hug Mr Teddy for me, too, please. J

29-31 August 2005, TQ Iraq, Things Were Still New

pics of my first room at TQ

29Aug05 - 20:00Got up early to run again today and it went well.  Chow, internet, at work 10-5, chow, internet café.  Good emails from Kate, Theresa, and Chris today and finally got one from Mike from 11:00am Sunday his time (simple, but nice).  I hope we get mail tomorrow.  Very tired again and hope to pass out like I did last night.

From prayer journal: Lord, forgive my sins…impatience, swearing, anger, etc.  Help the time to pass quickly while I am in Iraq.  Help Rachel and Rob with their family problems.  Help Becci with a new school year.  Help Mom with not working.  Help Dad and Chris with their colds.  Help Matt on the range.  Help Patrick deal with Lauren.  Help Tori study.  Help Theresa be ready to deploy.  Help Margie do her daily reading.  Help Kate and Don.  Help Mike with his work and lift his spirits.  Help me to be more like Jesus.  Help me get a good night’s sleep.  Tell my mom I love her.  Thank you for each day on this earth.  You are an awesome God.

31 Aug 05 – 2130 – wedRun, pull ups, sit ups yesterday, worked, hung with Patrick and Lt Leff (VMU-2) a bit, no mail, was missing Mike a lot.

From prayer journal on the 31st: Jesus Christ, make me a good Marine for the sake of my Marines, my family, and all Americans. Only You can give me the strength, wisdom, and patience required to do my job well. I am nervous right now because everything is new. Please help me learn what I need to and know what is going on and what to do.

Let me get a good night’s sleep and have the strength to get up and run tomorrow. Make both me and Patrick less irritable with each other and in general, please; it’s getting old already.

Lord, keep after Mike’s heart. Heal him and love him. God thank you so much for the healing Theresa has experienced lately; continue to keep your eye on her. Send her my love. Comfort Rachel, Becci, and my parents and Grammy. Help Scott get prepped for deployment. Keep Teddy healthy. Comfort me.

Regular journal: Today, took a break and didn’t run this morning, which doesn’t mean I got more sleep. I was rudely awoken at 0200 for the third night in a row. I finally got a phone account this morning, though, and called Mike. We talked for about a half hour and it was so good to hear his voice. Then work 9-9. Patrick has been getting on my nerves lately; we are around each other way too much. So much of the day at work we’re doing nothing. Cool thing today was that I brought speakers in for my iPod. Makes me happy! J Oh, a mortar hit our base tonight. Felt better today (physically) but up early to run tomorrow. Miss everyone L Oh, I met the Wing Chaplain today. Very nice.

27 August Kuwait to 28 Aug 2005 Iraq

27Aug05 – Saturday 11:00 – Ali Al Saleem Air Base, Kuwait

I am in a great mood.  Just got back from the phone center here and bought a phone card and got to make some good calls.  On my third try (after trying twice last night), I got through to Mike and had a good 20 minute conversation.  He was half asleep, though, because of a long day, but was sweet.  Totally made my day! J  Called Chris and DJ, and left messages for both of them.  Then I called Matt.  We, too, talked for about 20 minutes and had a very good conversation.  He may be coming to Iraq in January and we’d probably get to see each other! J

For only getting a few hours of sleep last night, I don’t feel too bad yet.  We are waiting at the Air Base to fly to TQ this afternoon.  It is almost 130 degrees Fahrenheit already!  Thankfully, we are inside, though.

I feel like we’ve been here a week, but it’s only been a few days.  I am having a good time, though, and like my Marines.  They are intelligent and good company.  Too bad real work starts tomorrow!

2100 – Al Taqaddam Air Base, Iraq

Had a great trip here from Kuwait.  I got to sit up front in the cockpit of the C-130 and wear a headset and chat with the crew.  The guys were from my Dad’s old squadron in Pope AFB.  I was shocked I remembered the name seeing as I was like nine at the time.  Anyway, it really made me want to fly again.

It’s significantly cooler here in Iraq.  It’s still hot, but only in the 110’s during the day.  Patrick showed me around and I got to type a quick group email.  I am very tired and very stinky.  I should shower but I won’t because I plan to do a 0600 jog tomorrow morning.  It’s time for bed now.  I have a big room all to myself with AC, fridge, big TV, and DVD player.  The bed sucks and everything is covered in dust and dirt, though.  Overall, it’s not bad.  It’s kind of like summer camp…only war.

Mike is on my mind.  I love him and I hope things continue to go well for us.

Lovin’ the Lord, but need to get back into the Word big time.

28Aug05 – Sunday, 1930  Long day today.  Not bad; just long.  All this communal living makes it really hard to get a good night’s sleep, especially because my room is at the entrance of the “Alamo.”  I ran at 0600 with Patrick and did pulls ups and sit ups.  I’m tired and stiff.  Chow.  Email.  Still nothing from Mike.  Errands all around base and some time at work then meetings and stuff, chow, email (still nada from Mike), and now I am so ready for bed but know there’s no way I’m going to get good sleep.  Everyone’s right outside my door.

givin the "day 1" symbol while hanging out at the pull up bar

From prayer journal: “The man who is willing to pray, but realizes he does not know how to do it, can hardly do better than to start with thanks.” (Elton Trueblood)  God, you answer my prayers every day and I thank you for that.  I also thank you for the prayers you don’t answer because you know better! J Lord God, my life is totally in your hands.  Take care of me, comfort me, guide me, love me, make me more like your son.  God, I am in a challenging place in my life and in the world and only your goodness and grace will get me through it with integrity and peace.  I pray for that wonderful gift, Lord.  I pray for that peace of heart and mind for Mike, too.  God, he needs you! Please reach his heart. 

More thanks for my loving friends and family.  Please help Rachel and Rob with their extra family problems, Becci and Peter to build their love and family, and my parents in their life and Teddy and Matt P and H and Tori, Theresa, Kate, and Margie.

26 August 2005, Camp Victory Kuwait

0300 -  So, I am officially “in country.”  We stopped in Frankfurt, Germany on our way over from the States.  The USO was worthless and it was a short stopover.  Got to Kuwait yesterday about 7pm local time, I think.  Waited around awhile, got ammo, waited, bus ride to Camp Victory, check in, unload gear, midrats at chow hall, and one hour at the internet café.  Had emails waiting for me from Matt, Margie, and Chris.  Got a quick reply from Mike before I left.  I miss him. L Back at the tent now.  Has good AC and I’m in my large USMC green sweatpants and AC Milan polar fleece.  Comfy :-). J

Feeling good.  Hasn’t hit me yet where I am.  Haven’t let myself think about it too much yet.

1545 – slept 5 hours last night then took a nice shower this morning.  It surprises me how so many of these girls still do all the frilly stuff in a place like this.  I guess I don’t do much of that ever anyway, so….My smallpox shot is getting bad.  My whole shoulder and armpit glands hurt pretty bad.  AC broke in the tent around 1300, so I took LCpl Rigby to get some lunch, to internet café, and phone center.  Sandwich from Subway tasted like feet; had emails from Tori, Becci, and Dad; and called Dad, Becci (left a message), and talked to Rachel for a bit.  Back at tent and AC works.  Will probably read, listen to music, and nap.

2145 – all this sleeping has been great.  Really only in like half hour snippets, but it feels good.  AC is on full blast now which is awesome.  I just finished Into the Wild; really good book and very thought provoking.  Will probably hit up the internet café again tonight before midrats and maybe some phone calls.  Thinking back on how after I went through OCS I felt like I understood Mike’s Academy mentality a little better….I hope after this deployment the same occurs – I feel like it has a little bit already.  I hope he is understanding of/for me, too.

Have discovered Jamison Parker’s Sleepwalker on my iPod and like it a lot.  Many of the songs make me think of Mike.  Pat McGee’s “I Know” from Shine is a new one that really makes me think of him, too.

Kerouac Captures It - Looking Back at 24 August 2005

What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-by.  But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

I finished reading On the Road a few of weeks ago.  Although, not my favorite book, I enjoyed the insights Kerouac offered throughout the story, and see why it is a classic representation of the Beat Generation.  The passage sited above stuck with me well after I finished the novel, summoning my own memories of good-byes…

24 Aug 2005, Wednesday at 2am
I’m sitting here in a deployment hangar at March AFB 2 hours away from 29 Palms…and I am on my way to war.

Thursday and Friday were fine with Mike, then a roller coaster through the weekend.  I don’t feel like “talking” about it.

Friday, Mom and Dad got to California.  We went out to dinner with Patrick and his parents and had fun.  Saturday I got the “holy shit I’m leaving for Iraq soon” emotional roller coaster and then was on the phone till 3am with Mike and up crying till 4am.  He was a huge ass.  Sunday, I was depressed all day, but hung out with Mom and Dad in Palm Desert, had a super yummy sushi dinner, and had a decent time.

Monday, I packed and then just hung out that day because we were originally supposed to leave that night but didn’t.  Tori drove up from San Diego which was great and stayed the night since I didn’t leave until tonight (Tuesday).  Matt also came to say goodbye.  It wasn’t weird at all.  It was very nice to see him and I miss him.  I talked a lot on the phone with all my friends the last couple of days, and Becci and Rachel.  I called Grammy today and she started crying hard at the end.  Mom was a mess tonight saying goodbye…crying out loud and everything.  I’ve been pretty unemotional the last couple of days.

Overall, I am happy.  I have a very blessed life and am excited for what is ahead.  Lord, I ask that you protect me and all these Marines and guide our CO and XO.  Lord, also, comfort my parents and anyone else having a hard time with me leaving.  And thank you for a wonderful family and loving friends. I'm so blessed to have the amazing friends that I do.  Lord, I pray for Mike’s heart.  I also pray that your will be done in our relationship and you give me understanding and peace no matter which way it goes.  I love you, Lord.  Remain in my heart forever.

Same day, now 21:05 – Boston, Mass
I honestly don’t feel too much of anything right now – emotionally.  We had a few hours to wait in Boston and I called everyone one last time.  I got to talk to Mom and Dad, Becci, Rachel, Mike, and Chris.  It was good, but I don’t feel super sad or super happy or anything.  Mike said, “I’m so proud of you, Angel.  I love you.”  That was nice.  I am reading Into the Wild and it is making me pensive.  I want to write lots but I’m tired.

I like journaling because I think one day I’ll really write.  I’ll want people to know what I was thinking or know more of who I really am.  I’m afraid I’ll be “famous” posthumously, though.  I’ve had this feeling for a while that I’ll die young.  :-/ I think Matt still knows me better than anyone else in some ways.  The more I think of him, actually, the more I miss him.  He is such a special person.  I still wonder if there’s a “future” for us.  A month ago I told myself I’d written him off forever and that was a good thing, but seeing him again put a face to things…brought a reality to the thoughts.  We were so comfortable around each other.  I wanted to hug him.

I love Mike, but it feels so insecure.  I don’t ever really feel sure that he loves me as much as I love him…or that he loves me as much as I want him to.  I want his unconditional love and I’m afraid that will never happen.  How can I stay with someone like that?  Fearful love is not what I want.  I love me a lot and know what makes me great and what makes me annoying at times – I wish I felt like he truly appreciated everything about me. L

Preface To the War Series

“At the war’s end, I, too, promised myself that I had done with talking about it.  I had talked and lived war for six years, and I was longing to pay attention to something – anything – else.  But that is like wishing I were someone else.  The war is now the story of our lives, and there’s no subtracting it.”
page 70 of GLaPPPS

About a week ago, I finished a wonderful novel, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, and Tuesday I finished The Postmistress.   Both books were accidental reads for me.  The first, I selected at Barnes and Noble because it had a cover that made me pick it up (and it was half price), and the second was one my mother gave me during my last visit to NC.  I had no idea that both would have World War II as the unifying storyline with woman protagonists.  Reading these two books about a topic that’s already been written about for decades, but which were penned with fresh voices and original perspectives (not unlike Sarah’s Key which I also immensely enjoyed a couple years ago), reminded me that my story can be “new,” too, if I mentally and emotionally commit to writing in my genuine voice.  What these individual stories offer within the context of a larger one is the distilling down of a tangled mess of events and emotions that one could never make sense of otherwise.  My hope is to do the same with my story.

When I originally began this writing journey, I did not have any desire to discuss my time in the Marine Corps, the wars, veterans, etc.  I wanted to write about my world travels and sporting adventures.  But these war stories, past and present, seem to keep finding me, and even though I’ve posted snippets about my time in the Marine Corps, or journal excerpts from my deployments to Iraq, I’ve recognized that I need to get more focused again. I’ll probably still blog about a variety of subjects, but for the most part, I’ll try to focus on the deployment theme.  So, tomorrow I plan to start my “war series” which will kick off with my journal entries from the few days before I left for my first deployment to Iraq. 

Come with me on my quest if you’d like ;)