Thanksgiving in Iraq 2005

Well, HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone!  I hope you are all spending time with family and being very thankful for all you have.  :) As for myself, I’m having a pretty standard day.  I’ve been back from AQ for almost 2 weeks and I can’t believe how busy I’ve been.  Some of you I’ve emailed more with then others, so if anything in the rest of this email is repetitive, I apologize. 

 The temperature dropped a solid 10 or 15 degrees about 3 days ago, so it’s been pretty chilly here at night.  I checked the weather for the next few days, though, and it looks like it’ll warm up a little bit again.  Either way, during the day it is pretty perfect here.  It’s sunny about 6 days out of the week and the high is about 70.  I’ve started walking to work in the afternoons now and I enjoy it quite a bit.  It’s about a mile and a half hike and I get to see the sun setting over Lake Habbaniyah if I come in around 4 in the afternoon.  As long as the weather is pleasant, I plan to make a habit of this little walk.

 Let’s see…the rest of my time up in AQ was great.  We assisted in over 50% of the strike packages (aka: killing bad guys) and flew 2 flights a day all day every day.  Needless to say, we stayed busy, but I also had a blast with the Marines up there.  I also met a female CH-46 pilot who was super nice and we got to chat a lot about flying and, really, about life in general.  It was pretty cool and I enjoyed having the female company, albeit only briefly.  My trip back to TQ was kind of a long one.  We stopped in Al Asad and had a 7 hour wait until our C-130 flight left for Camp Taqaddum.  While we were there, a Sgt from the JSTARS detachment picked me and LCpl Koopmann up and showed us around part of the base.  Al Asad is HUGE!!   We only saw a tiny part of it and it still seemed gigantic compared to TQ.  Anyway, it was cool to see yet another base and get to see another one of the intel platforms we have out here. 

So, I am working slightly different hours in TQ than I used to (coming in around 3pm instead of 8pm) – which I like.  Although, somehow I’ve ended up staying until 4 or 5am almost every night which is almost as late was I was here before.  Hopefully by next week I’ll start leaving earlier so I have time to actually sleep and workout again.  I’ve only run once this week (boo! :( ). Also, a couple of the mornings I’ve had doctors’ appointments to finish up the flight school package stuff.  I’m just waiting on a couple more things and then I’ll send it off next week. 

Work has been good.  I like being busy, and for the most part, the dynamic here is really positive.  They changed the night crew up, though, and I miss the guys who were a little funnier, but with all the projects I’ve got on my plate now I don’t have as much time for “smoking and joking” anymore anyway.  Speaking of “projects”…I’ve finally been tasked with some “real” work to do and it will definitely be my chance to prove to the CO that I am a capable Marine.  I basically have 3 different video-related products to produce – 1 in the immediate future, 1 on a weekly basis, and a big one due at the end of the deployment.  It’s something I can task my Marines to do, then monitor their progress, and come up with a tangible product at the end.  So, I’ll be working on that stuff on top of the normal work I was already doing. 

The only cool thing about today was that they had pie at chow.  It was goooooood.  I had a slice of pumpkin, sweet potato, pecan, and cherry….c’mon it’s Thanksgiving! :)  Oh, well, that and today was also the 3 month mark from when we left the states.  So, only about 4 more months to go!!!

Well, I need to wrap this up and get back to reading some reports, so I’ll let you all go.  Thank you, too, to everyone who has sent packages, letters, and email.  Every single one of those is appreciated more then you know!!

God Bless!! :)

Sarah

Al Qa'im Chronicles - Final thoughts...Less About War, More About Men

 14 November 2005, 19:00 Monday

Al Asad, Iraq à Here I sit in the Al Asad J-COT waiting for a flight out on a C-130 to TQ.  My day started around 0600 when my alarm went off and I hit snooze a few times.  Jen got home around 0700 and we chatted briefly before she went to bed.  She was like, “I can’t believe you’re leaving today! L  I didn’t approve that!" J  She’s really nice.  She also said it was really nice meeting me and to let her know if I ever need anything.  It’s a bummer because I’ll miss kind of a having a gal pal.  Anyway, I packed up and went to work for a few hours.  We were really busy because the Marines are taking over the city of Ubaydi today, so work was good.  At 10:00ish, I went for a dinky run, waited for the shower, showered, packed, went to work, then to J-COT after the goodbyes.  Funky was super bummed out; he’s a good guy à very nice note enclosed that he gave me last night.  Anyway, we flew from AQ to Camp Rawah to Haditha Dam (which was super cool) then to Al Asad where we’ve had like a six hour wait.  I heard an F-14 had to divert to AA this afternoon and it could have easily been Scott, or at least someone from his squadron I know, but I can’t figure out if they’re still here or not. L  It’s made me think a lot about Scott today.  Well, I think about him quite a bit sometimes anyway because I have such fond memories of times with him in VA Beach…very fond.  And it makes me homesick and miss him and VA Beach and his friends when I daydream about this past summer.  We had SUCH a great time together!  And now as I’m writing, with my iPod on shuffle, a song from Mike’s mix came on.  It’s so perfect for this recent break up with him:

                Suddenly I’m feeling like you wanted something more than this
                If you don’t stop giving it, you won’t know how it feels
                Don’t start sleeping in, you don’t know how I feel
                ‘Cause God knows that I let you down

                This is a wall you try to shake
                This is my focus you try to break
                This is the fall that I have to take to know that you care

I think his comments about this song (three years ago) were that he knew he let me down because he couldn’t give me what I deserved.  Whatever.  He didn’t even try – AGAIN – this time.  One similar thing that I really like about both Scott and Mike was their love of music.  You know what, though?  The CD’s they burned for me were very different and I think Mike’s choices revealed his selfishness whereas more of Scott’s songs were more romantic.  I still think about Mike, though, L and am brainstorming a plan to get him to come visit me in March and I will just be aloof with him and hurt him.  I know I could probably never pull that off, though, and it would only bring me down and depress me.  But the thing I keep asking myself is: Why doesn’t he want to be with me?!  Why am I not worth it to him?!  So many other great guys think so highly of me, admire me, heck, have fallen in love with me, or meet me and want to date me, or get to know me and want to date me, think I’m great, etc.  Yet, Mike is so willing to throw me away when any man who’s gotten to know me has fallen for mand wanted to be with me (in the last couple of years) and/or tell me any man who wins my hearts will be so lucky!  Then there’s this one guy, Mike, who is probably the least deserving of my love of anyone I’ve been with who I end up loving the most! L 

I’m so lonely here in Iraq. I think of everyone – Alex, Matt, Scott, Chris…even Patrick or DJ – as options and it is confusing.  All I’d wanted was Mike and somehow, half a world away (as I listen to Esthero sing over and over again “half a world away”) everything reminds me of Mike.  Music is so powerful. O.A.R. came on and that makes me think of Pensacola.  Oh to be in Pensacola right now! J  If it is God’s plan, I would really like to move back to Pensacola next year.  Speaking of P-cola, I’ve pondered the possibility of Scott and I being there at the same time and how much fun that would be to date…like VA Beach.  That’s how dating someone is supposed to be!  With someone in the same city, who you see on a daily basis but miss, and who you have a blast with and are at ease with.  I am sad I didn’t run into Scott today at AA.  Wow, I miss romance.  Athlete’s “Wires” is playing on my iPod.  I miss sharing my beauty and love and passion and depth with a man…emotionally, physically, intellectually…spiritually.  I know I have so much to give and I want to give it to someone, I want to bring un-nameable, immeasurable joy and passion and love and longing to someone.  I want to be someone’s baby, I want to be taken care of yet seen as strong and dependable and beautiful and cherished and noticed as different and special…and for me to feel exactly the same way about him.  I wish I could play guitar and sing and I’d write my own songs and play them, and it’d be great.  That would be so cool!  I’m going to do great things one day.  I’m going to be great wife and mom and keep loving my family so much and have a fun job and life! J  I miss DC.  I miss dancing.  I miss meeting new people.  I miss flirting.  I miss laughing out of control with girlfriends.  I miss my parents.  I miss Teddy.  I miss just doing nothing with Becci. I miss riding my bike.  I miss dressing up.  I miss going out.  I miss playing soccer.  I miss home.  I miss driving my car.  I miss Church.  I miss real fellowship.

PS I finished the Pelican Brief today; it was good. 

The Al Qa'im Chronicles - A Goodbye letter from a dear friend

Although I save nearly every letter, card, and email I ever get, this hand-written note from "Funky" is one of the few I know practically by heart and one which I felt was so special that I stapled it into my journal (versus putting it in a box with a thousand other letters).  He was one of the few truly good men I met in the Marine Corps - he was a mentor, big bro, and great friend and I was so blessed to have him as a colleague on that deployment. 

13 November Al Qaim, Iraq

Dear Sarah

I’m so glad that you came out with us for a while and so are the guys.  You bring the sunshine wherever you go and bless everyone’s life for having been part of yours.  Thanks for everything but most of all, thanks for being who you are.  We will all miss you very much.

Always remember that beautiful women are a dime a dozen but a woman whose beauty is but an outward reflection of her virtue and character is priceless beyond measure.  That is what sets you apart and makes you one in a million.  That and a thousand other good adjectives that come to mind…

Sooner or later, but with perfect timing, I promise, God is going to send some like-minded and outrageously fortunate Christian fellow into your life who will recognize what a wonderful human being you are and will love you unconditionally from the depths of his soul.  That was a metaphor, but it’s really going to happen.  Between now and then, keep walking in the light, keep chasing your dreams, and keep being you.  You’re one of the good ones, Sarah, and I know you’ll do great things.  God has an awesome plan for your life!

I’m glad that we’re friends and I wish for you every kind of happiness.  I’ll be praying for you, kiddo.

Dave
Psalm 25:4-5

Funky filming our MC Bday celebration in AQ

The Al Qa'im Chronicles - The last couple of days

12Nov 2005, 22:30 Saturday

Really, nothing eventful happened today yet again.  I woke up more tired than ever, but made it through the day ok.  Email and work till noonish, walk to lunch, work more till 3ish, napped, ran, back to work – pretty regular day in AQ.  I didn’t feel too down or anything, and after work watched a little bit of “Napoleon Dynamite” with the guys.  Oh! I got all excited this afternoon talking about getting a motorcycle.  I could get an awesome, used one for $4-5,000.  One of the main deterrents is whether or not I want to spend my money that way.  I want to get a new (and nice) mountain bike, probably some gear for that, an actual triathlon racing bike, more gear for that, and so on.  All that could easily add up to $5k.  Anyway, I’ve still got plenty of time to think about all of that, research, and talk about it.

Maybe I don’t really miss Mike. Maybe I’m just "frustrated" and lonely for a man.  Well, I definitely long for moments… J  Well, whatever, because there’ll be none of that for FOUR MORE MONTHS!!  Holy cow!  I hope I can make it! ;-p

Oh, I had a decent little run-lunge-walk run today after my nap. 

13 Nov 2005, 21:30 SundayWell, I had a pretty lax day today.  Moseyed over to work around 6:30, did some emailing while on the headset, went to lunch with Dave, came back to work for a bit, and then came back to my room for (what was supposed to be a quick) nap.  I woke Jen up, though, and we ended up having a really good chat for about an hour.  It was fun because it felt like good old girl chat, like a slumber party or something because we were both in our beds, learning on our pillows chatting.  Man, I miss girlfriends! L  She kind of reminds me of Lori Kruslich.  Anyway, she’s super cool.  Then I napped for almost 2 hours (yet I’m still tired) and went back to work and basically hung out the rest of the night.

LCpl Koopman and I are headed back to TQ tomorrow.  It will be a bummer to leave, but I am really looking forward to getting all my mail! J

The last couple of weeks were good and went by pretty fast.  It’s too bad because dual ops starts up again tomorrow in Ubaydi so there’s be more action.

Really missing family, Teddy, Becci, Tori, Theresa, Margie, Matt, Scott, and Chris.

The Al Qa'im Chronicles - Days 8 through 10

gorgeous sunset in northwest Iraq

9 November, 2200 Wednesday

Well, they were hammering away at something all night, so I only got about 4 hours of sleep tops.  I was coughing and sneezing all day, but had a decent one.  Flew at work again today, scrounged a somewhat good lift in at the gym, and hung out a bit tonight after work.  I am very, very homesick but feel ok overall.  I think I look very tired, though.

Boys on the brain:   Matt – I love him and miss him, but who the heck knows anymore; Alex – if I stay in Cali, a definite possibility to hang out; Chris – still in love with me (according to him), but I’m not sure how I feel about him.  Sometimes I think I could be with him long-term; DJ – I don't think there's much of a real romantic love interest left there anymore, though, but love our friendship; Scott – I like him so much, but we are too different.  He’s still got very strong feelings for me and I do miss him a lot, too;  Patrick – has said he wants to date, but I definitely don’t for lots of reasons;  Jim – Funky’s best friend who he said he wants to set me up with; Mike – I haven’t had any contact with him since that last IM convo and it’s been great.  My soul is finally being set free from that...

Just food for thought…

L-R: Daniels, Cornejo, me, Koopman

11 November 2005, 2100 Friday

Yesterday was another pretty uneventful day at work.  I went for a decent run, but it was painful because I felt like I had a 10 pound brick in my bowels! L  Last night we had a pretty lame Marine Corps Birthday “celebration.”  It was kind of a downer especially thinking of last year’s ball and what a blast that was.  Oh well.

USMC Birthday Presentation in Iraq

I woke up so tired again this morning for another calm day at work.  I’ve gotten a lot of emails the last couple fo days which has been nice, and Patrick says I have a ton of mail and packages at TQ.  I’m really looking forward to opening all of that, and having my own room again. 

So, I had been going really strong for over a week as far as not thinking about Mike goes, but a lot of conversations lately have kind of brought him up.  And now, I’ve got my iPod on shuffle and “I Know” from Pat McGee came on.

I know I won’t be there tomorrow, baby, now
I know I wasn’t there today
These times are harder than they used to be and now
I’m fine if you’re still thinking of me

Honestly, I don’t think my feelings for Mike are healthy – before, during, or after being “together.” L

I feel like our little group here is pretty close.  After work tonight, SSgt Cornejo and Dave and I sat around and talked, and Top and Tim were there at the end, too.  Plus, I spend the afternoons (post nap or PT) in sweats or PT gear and it’s just comfy. J  You know what I think is so funny, though?  That like 45 year old mean call me “ma’am.”  It’s just kind of a funny concept to me.  Even Tim who is a retired Gunny and works for Boeing now, calls me “ma’am” all the time.  The guys here are nice, though.  They’re quasi-flirty yet big brothery to me.  I guess if I needed any ego boosters, I’ve gotten plenty since I’ve been out here because they always make comments about how people stare at me, or that I have “hottie skills,” or allude to me being hot (or sometimes don’t even allude!).  Just observations.  It's kind of funny, kind of not.  Also, I must have adapted to all the helicopter noise here because I seem to be sleeping better.  It’s just that I always have to get up to pee in the middle of the night!

Well, as far as all the “ego-boosters” go, they essentially mean nothing to me (obviously).  I want a real man, a real relationship, someone who I can 100% depend on in all matters of life; I want passion and compatibility.  I want someone with Scott’s brain, and fun side, and love for music…and Mike’s drive and smarts and success and physical connection and passion…and Matt’s free spirit and truly good heart and uniqueness and big smile and love for me…and Chris’s dependability and love of family and willingness to stand up to me when I’m being a brat yet understanding when he needs to be…and DJ’s love of the Lord and organization and trustworthiness and ability to sit and talk about anything.  SIGH. 

I am lonely.  I am homesick.  I miss my friends…my GIRL friends.  I miss socializing, dancing, getting dressed up, going out to dinner, riding my bike, swimming, playing soccer, TEDDY.  I haven’t even been here three months yet!  I already can’t wait to get home.  I can’t wait for the time to pass and the day to come when my heart doesn’t remember Mike anymore; to think fondly of him just doesn’t make sense and I hate when I miss him.  If I could be around family and friends and a good man, I could easily forget him.

I took a nap today even though it was gorgeous out because I was just so sleepy.  I hope I get regular (with PT and poop! J hahaha) at TQ.

Al Qa'im Chronicles Day 6&7

7 November 2005, 2230 Monday

Another good and quick day today at work.  We blew up LOTS of buildings.  In fact, a couple of the GBU’s dropped were dropped by Shaggy!  (Scott’s friend we hung out with in VA Beach).  How cool is that?!  I didn’t work out today, but did laundry in the afternoon instead.  Lots of laughs all day, but worked about 16 hours.  Feeling a little better but have the sniffles.  I need good sleep so desperately.

Dear Lord, please keep special watch over all the Marines and soldiers throughout this operation.  Send love to my lovelies J, be with Scott on his flight with Puck, Chris on his flight home, and Alex at work.  Fill me with your spirit, Jesus, and thank you so much for all you do every day.

8 November 2005, 2011 Tuesday

We had a pretty uneventful day work-wise.  The Marines have basically already cleared the city.  Although, tonight some Tomcats dropped GBU’s again.  I got some Sudafed and Tylenol for my cold today because I was feeling very icky.  Took a short nap this afternoon and then ended up going for a great run.  (I didn’t carry my pistol this time).  Even with a very strong headwind the whole backstretch I felt really smooth.  Apparently my running attracts IDF, though.  AQ hasn’t taken any in months and today on my run a round hit VERY close to me…but I just kept going.  Anyway, after my run I talked to my roomie (Capt Jen Schrantz) for a while.  She is really nice.  Then after work I had a good chat with Dave about guys, religion, and life.  I started off the day poopy, but feel pretty good now. 

Lord, I pray that You lift Theresa up right now, too.  She is feeling down and really needs your love.  Thank you for DJ’s understanding, and all my great friends that I love so much.  Help me to be more understanding and compassionate, Lord.

Scan Eagle "landing"

Al Qa'im Chronicles Day 5

living and work spaces at AQ

6 November 2005, 2030, Sunday

Today was a good day.  Work passed pretty quickly, lunch was awesome, I watched some Dave Chapell Show with Dave, ran with Lt Deleal, lifted, back to work, shower, and back to work.  At the end of the day we blasted 80’s rock and were totally silly.  It was a blast! My Marines are great.  I would rather stay here than TQ if I could get a permanent living space.  Having a fun crew to work with makes such a huge (positive) difference. 

Oh, this morning, we had eyes on a building they were about to drop bombs on, and all of a sudden a group of women and children came down the street and stood in the courtyard of that house.  We called friendlies off, saving 20 innocent Iraqis’ lives; it gave everyone a really good feeling.  Other than that, the insurgents mostly stayed inside, so we didn’t see too much action.  Oh, I also talked to Capt Schrantz this afternoon for a while about flying and stuff.  She was super positive about what she does and it got me all excited about going back to flight school.  Boy will I miss having Marines, though.  Also, she is a Christian and we talked about that a bit, too.

Anyway, overall, I feel very fatigued, but my morale is high again.  I totally don’t want to date Patrick and I’ve barely even thought of Mike.  I think of Chris and Matt if anyone. 

P.S. You can see even more stars in the sky here than at TQ.

P.P.S I have another new nickname/callsign they gave me here: “Pep Rally.”  Hhahaha! J

PPPS  I forgot to write about how on the flight out here, as I looked out the back hatch of the CH-53, I could see little dust tornados (Tasmanian devils) all across the desert.  I thought that was neat.

I am happy.  I confess, I feel a little chubby or something, but am feeling much more like myself again the last couple of days.  Thanks, Lord J and please read the worries of my heart, and comfort and protect all my Marine friends, family, and dear ones.

Frogs all lined up at AQ